Gurl, Get Your Money’s Worth - By Bride Namibia

You should not play full price for anything these days. Have you seen the signs, 20 percent off, 50 percent off, everything must go. And though the wedding industry has a reputation of gouging wide-eyed brides and grooms, it does not have to be like that.

I am honoring my budget-consciousness and my wedding will be fabulous.

In fact, this depression is forcing everyone to re-evaluate and re-price goods and services, and that includes the wedding industry.

Two months ago I had a photographer quote me $2,000.00 to take photos at my wedding. I was floored! And I told him I would like to negotiate that price, but he said that he didn't negotiate, at all—then proceeded to tell me that if a potential client did not like his prices, he always had someone else in the wings.

Of course my black woman neck started circling and I said in my head, "Oh hell no, you will not have my business." I went about my way and found other options that were better priced, and the other photographers were extremely accommodating.

I don't care what type of business patronage the first photographer claimed he had, everyone has been affected by the financial climate. EVERYBODY!

Negotiating is everything with this wedding. I am learning fast, and in some cases, in uncomfortable ways. Though I must admit, I have been getting blessed with great deals.

So let me give you some of the huge finds:
My wedding planner (who has bent over backwards) was a steal and has become a dear friend. Plus she finagled hotel rooms @ the JW Marriot Staple Center for the lowest group price rate that the hotel offers.

The wedding venue is a top-notch place that has been featured on Wedding Central. I got a 50% discount.

My future mother-in-spirit found a soap mold of the Adinkra symbol and is making chocolates as souvenirs.

I just saw some Old Navy fuchsia flip-flops I want to purchase for my circle of sisters who will be walking with me through this. The shoes are $1.49 with a 30% discount on top of that.

The flowers and decor will be purchased in the flower district in downtown LA @ bulk prices that are a fraction of flower shops.

These are just some of the savings I am using to make sure I get good quality at budget-conscious prices.

But I must stress, you must be damn near vigilante, even when you don't want to, and even when you are not doing wedding things. It is something that must become habit.

For instance, I purchased some spices at some frou-frou place in an upper-class side of town this weekend. The woman shorted me 8 cents change from the 88 cents I was supposed to get. I slowly counted my money and didn't move. She smiled, and I smiled right back and told her I was waiting for my change. She admitted that she did not have the rest and just had dollars. So I asked for a full dollar and gave her the 80 cents. When she said she couldn't do it, I told her to give me my refund.

My money is precious and I work hard. The last think you will do is short me and I accept it. I have to admit, I am still learning, but an old Jewish told me one day, "Count your pennies and you don't have to worry about your dollars."

Have you saved money while planning your wedding?

Namibia

Pam's Baby Shower

Our first "Follow the Bride" blogger Pam will be celebrating her one year wedding anniversary this week and also expecting her first child in July. We attended the baby shower over the weekend.  Congratulations Pam & Bobby from The ForBlackWeddings.com Family!

Rituals - By: Bride Namibia

Sun-Ra's family jokes about our ethnic flair by nicknaming me Afrika Bambata and him, Shaka Zulu.  I smile at the compliment. In return, I am thinking about giving them something straight from the Motherland.

On a serious note, Sun-Ra and I are getting a lot of helpful advice about the direction to go for the wedding. Many people are telling us to have a low budget wedding and a fabulous honeymoon. We are trying to balance both and are lucky that we are globetrotters and unpampered backpackers who can go a lot of places on the cheap and still enjoy it immensely.

But we gotta have a ceremony that solidifies our union to the community whether we want it or not. Rituals are important. I argue that black folk don't have enough rituals and the ones we do have we've forgotten much of the meaning.

As I was ho-humming about wedding stress, a friend of mine confirmed my inner thoughts around ceremonies and gatherings. Her story, she went to the courthouse and called it a day. Now she regrets it.

Though I would love to take the day easy, I have a 92-year-old grandmother that I will honor. That is the tradition in me that I recognize. To jump the broom in front of my matriarch is important and is just one of my blessings.  But as I put together this afro-boho-cosmo-chic affair, I ran across this lovely video of a Zulu Wedding Dance.

I think I might give them exactly what they tease me about, Zulu.

Namibia

Beauty Ain’t This Painful: Waxing By: Bride Namibia

I first shaved my legs when I was 25, and got my first wax at 31. There are many reasons why I didn't shave, but one of them was not because I was not hairy. Honey child, my legs are like comedienne/actress, Mo'Nique, beyond fuzzy to down right bush baby. You see my mom frowned on shaving, so I had to do what the old schoolers did, slather the follicles down with lotion. Then when I got older, I was au naturel for a minute, and bucked the man for an unshaven calf, but silently craved to tame the beast on my legs. However, I have some serious horror stories with shaving my pits and bikini line from razors, to depilatories, to an outrageously painful waxing that occurred back-in-the-day. Unfortunately, I have an ugly scar on my calf from a shaving experience with a straight-edge eyebrow razor. Long story, but I strongly recommend to never shave when you are pissed off at a boyfriend.

Later on I gave waxing another try when I moved to Atlanta some years ago. Shayna of "Spa on the Go" gave me a pretty low-pain experience. Actually, there was very little pain at all. My legs were fairly painless, my thighs were more sensitive, but it was a cool experience as we talked and laughed for about an hour. I was so relieved I thought my previous waxing experience when I was a high-schooler was fantasized---until I tried it on my own again. Yup, I was wrong. That shit hurt like ouch. But since waxing was out of my grad school budget at the time, I go through torture. About twice a year, I do the rip-and-yelp dance for about 3 hours and end up with smooth spots, sticky skin and small patches of blood with some fuzz. I so admire Mo'Nique, honestly I do. However, I too look at her legs and am not feeling it. Such a contradiction for my hairy self; and a person who realizes that European art emphasizes hairless women to disempower their presence, I know that much of social chagrin is rooted in Western culture.

Nevertheless I want smooth and shiny gams for my wedding and I know I gotta start now. The last thing I will do on my wedding day is walk like a bowlegged cowboy because my runway got ripped the day before.
To get my body on a consistent hairless regimen, I gave myself a full leg and bikini wax last week. Shit, it was painful. But I was adhering to the advice of my girlfriend who told me she gets it all taken off regularly. According to her, it really stops hurting. I dropped my mouth in amazement. I mean a sister of color getting a wax is more of a challenge due to our coarse hair. Blood in the pubic area is standard, but my friend swears that experience childbirth pains three times immunized her from a lot of things she thought were unbearable before.

Nonetheless, I am still asking, "Why is beauty so painful?"

love and balance http://oldnewdarkerthanblue.blogspot.com/

darker than blue

Un-blinging the Engagement Ring - Bride: Namibia

I could not sleep if I wore the annual income of an African village on my hand. So when Sun-Rah and I were talking about engagement rings (yes he wears one too) we both agreed to be simple, budget conscious, and stick to our afro-boho-chic selves. I had been searching sites for black jewelers who make African-inspired jewelry and discovered three.

After combing through all of the hideous costume jewelry sites, lackluster bands on Etsy.com, I found Glenn Lewis, a highly regarded jewelry who is from the US, but according to the site, he lives in Ghana. His jewelry uses Egyptian and Ghanaian or Adinkra symbols for rings, pendants for necklaces, intricate jewelry boxes. Oh my and his work, incredible.

Lewis was very attractive for several reasons. For one, he participated in fair trade on several levels. According to his site and some articles I dug up, he partners with local jewelers and metal companies to ensure its employees were duly compensated. Also, he has taught classes at several institutes in Ghana on metallurgy and jewelry making.  I immediately squealed and yanked Sun-Rah over to the computer screen so he could see what I've found. I emailed Lewis and waited. One week went by, I emailed him again, then about four more times and did not get a reply.

I revisited Lewis' site and saw that his last speaking engagement was in 2007. I was so desperate to get in contact with him I scoured the Internet, but came up cold, even in the obituary section. Sadly, I had to search some more and found another deliciously beautiful jeweler.
The next company I found was the Jendayi Collection, located in my hometown of Los Angeles. Sun-Rah saw several pieces he loved, and so I decided to visit the place when I visited my family. The store was in the Baldwin Hills Crensaw Plaza, a mall located in a very popular African-American pocket of the city.

The saleswoman was okay, not anything to brag about or throw away. She seemed like a family friend who needed a job, but wasn't really all into selling her cousin's jewelry. Nonetheless, the love from the husband of the owner/jewelry designing team was there and he was so sweet and cool, he became the selling point. The couple/owners make a lot of pieces for black Hollywood and I have seen him throughout the cultural circuit of Los Angeles, and he has always been a good brother. I definitely would love to support that. While there, I spotted the ring I wanted and asked about the price. It was very reasonable, about $1000, but as a grad student that was a little steep, so I kept my options open.

Then, I remembered bumping into an NYC jeweler on Myspace who makes Erykah Badu's big Ankh rings and bracelets. A master craftsman, S.o. Patah creates whatever your heart desires. I liked Patah's work, but it was too expensive and a little too gaudy for me. I wanted something that made a statement, something that was more than simple, but not ostentatious. Then I re-thought this whole recession thing and asked myself if I really wanted to spend a thousand or more on a ring at this time. And the answer was no. Sun-Rah and I decided that if and when we could, or even cared to, we would upgrade in the future. So I began to peruse discount sites and came across the perfect ring. A black onyx ring with a heart on the top. What better to say "black love" than this. Also, I read up on black onyx and found it as a stone for people to center oneself, and in the craziness of preparing for a unification ritual, the onyx was what I needed.

And you would never believe the price, $13.99! Ahhh, I love black love.

love and balance

darker than blue

http://oldnewdarkerthanblue.blogspot.com/
Glenn Lewis - http://www.glennlewis.com/
Jendayi Collection - http://www.jendayicollection.com/
S.o. Patah - http://www.myspace.com/elaton

I Am Not a Superwoman, So I Hired a Wedding Planner by Blogger: Namibia

My Wedding Planner

Eulina mentioned something that sealed the deal. She said, "Women, especially black women think that they can do it all, and when they try to do everything they end up not enjoying anything about their event."

It was at that point I hired Eulina Morris of Creating Remarkable Events. She understood me. I realized a long time ago that I am not a superwoman and have no desire to be every and anything all the time.

I am a doctoral student who holds a part time job and teaches anywhere for three to five classes. I am beyond busy already, plus I have no clue about a wedding since I wasn't the type who dreamed of how it will look or what I would wear. With my lack of knowledge of weddings, I knew I was entering into an area I was totally unfamiliar.

But I was sure of one thing. I did not want to be the burned out superwoman on my wedding day. And I want my family members to show up beautiful, relaxed and ready to celebrate. Nonetheless, the decision of hiring a wedding planner was not without a fight. I looked at some planners a couple of months ago and thought, "My sister can do that."

My sister, who we call "Pookie Bird" got married three years ago. Everything that you didn't want to happen happened. I figured that anyone who went through the hells she did, could put together a good damn wedding. She had so many opportunities to learn an abundance of lessons I guessed she was a pro after she pulled that one off.
I called Pookie and she was excited and supportive. I gave her the proposal along with a payment of services. Immediately, she was on it---asking me about colors, venues, bridesmaids, and all the particulars that I did not have an answer.

The next week she was combing Los Angeles looking for a venue that was reasonable. But life happened.  Her husband was laid off just like she was right after she had their infant daughter. Both of them were casualties of a crumbling Cali economy. Now, she had to really look for a job in between being an active mommy of three, a wife, and a conscious community member.  The next items were finding a caterer and securing a hotel, but Pookie's youngest got sick, then she caught a cold, and her car broke down again. Who had time plan a wedding?

I was getting impatient, but I had to understand my sister's situation. Nonetheless, I couldn't neglect mine.  So, I started looking for a wedding planner. I had been visiting www.forblackweddings.com and other sites to get an understanding of what I should be looking for. For Black Weddings, gives excellent tips on what to expect in wedding planning from the beginning to the end---from wedding songs to a bridal emergency kit.

I read and read, and honestly, I still didn't know what I wanted or where I was going.  I was getting so frustrated I just wanted to call it off and I was just starting. Instead of quitting, I went to research wedding planners. Since Los Angeles has a small black population, we only make up about 4 percent, I wanted to recycle my black dollars so I went to www.blacknla.com and looked at caterers. I emailed and phoned them all.

Eulina was the first one to call. I listened to what she said and wrote notes based on her tips and advice. I spoke to others, but it came down to two potentials, and Eulina's simple statement sealed the deal.  Other things that were important was she was budget-friendly, flexible, full of energy, very responsive, and listened to my concerns before I even signed a contract. I feel totally comfortable with my choice and I can't wait to jump into the process again.

love and balance

darker than blue